Strictly Scrum Dancing

I was quite looking forward to the Wales v Tonga game on Friday night as it would be a nice appetiser before the main course of the weekend which saw Pontypool back in league action against Bargoed.

Imagine if you were in a posh restaurant and when your starter arrived it was a drab grey colour. Well this is how I felt when Wales came out dressed in grey. I don’t think any team in history has done anything of note dressed in grey - just think back to the Confederates in the American Civil War. Why on earth did we choose grey and why did we choose one of the drabbest of the fifty shades available? As it turned out the Tongans were in white so we could have worn red anyway.

The gloom was lifted when the Tongans gave a spirited rendition of the sipi tau and Wales actually started well enough scoring two good tries as the young backs cut loose. It had all the hallmarks of an entertaining match especially when Tonga scored a decent try themselves. The second half, however, turned out to be one of the most uninspiring periods of rugby that I have ever watched. It just seemed to consist of an endless series of inconclusive scrums. In the end the forwards looked like they were in the late stages of a marathon dancing competition as they clung to each other in scrums and mauls. Fortunately for Wales, Dr Who seemed to have set up a force-field around the Tongan half and both teams were trapped inside. It would have been better if the force-field had included the Tongan dead ball line rather than stopping at the try line however.

To use a dancing analogy, this was not the high tempo quickstep that we expect from Wales but rather the slow, shambling, smoochy stuff at the end of a wedding reception. Don’t Tonga realise that they are an anagram of tango? If Craig Revel Horwood had been there he would have said, ‘It’s a disaaaster daaarling.’ Perhaps we should have sewn some sequins on those uninspiring grey shirts.

By Saturday afternoon I had managed to forget about the tedium of the previous evening and took my place on the Bank at Pontypool with an exciting local derby against Bargoed in prospect. The sun was shining and there was not even a hint of grey on view. The spooky thing was that the match turned out to be almost a carbon copy of the previous evening with Pooler unfortunately playing the part of Tonga.

The first half was quite entertaining and evenly contested although it was clear that Bargoed had the edge in the forward battle. Pontypool took an early lead with a penalty then Bargoed hit back with a try to lead 3-5. Another Bargoed try and a second Pooler penalty gave the away side 6-12 lead before Hurley scored a good try in the corner for Pontypool after excellent combined play. The conversion by Gullis from the touchline gave the home team a narrow lead at 13-12. The lead was short-lived, however, with a Bargoed penalty leaving the score 13-15 at half time. Still anyone’s game, we thought, although we would have to contend with playing up the slope in the second half.

Rather like the previous evening virtually all the play in the second half was concentrated in one half. Unfortunately it was in Pontypool’s half as the Bargoed forwards took a vice-like grip on the match. It was a turgid affair, indeed, with countless scrums as Pooler scrambled and scrapped valiantly to keep Bargoed out. Inevitably the pressure told and Bargoed eventually made the game safe with a penalty and a converted try to run out convincing 13-25 winners. Bargoed are one of the better teams in the league so losing to them was no disgrace and Pooler battled bravely to the end.

Now we don’t mind a scrum or two in Pontypool, but this weekend has been excessive. They haven’t even been good scrums - I can’t help feeling that it’s killing the game as a spectacle.

There is no Pontypool game next weekend as we must all watch Wales play Australia (yet again). Let’s hope the grey shirts have been consigned to the bin and we get a dynamic red-blooded display from Wales.

PS I can’t bring myself to comment on the debacle surrounding the Heineken Cup but piss-ups and breweries spring to mind.